Syl - 9 (Review of Kara no Shoujo & Mahoutsukai no Yoru)

(Though the thought of "writing another anniversary article" successfully occurred to me several days before the date, considering my severely postponed three-in-one anniversary article "last year", I could have ignored the practice again. The key point for my returning to writing is simply "I want to do so (for thought arrangement)" (though still missing the date). It should have been simple, but what a detour!

The entire chain-of-thought was starting from my recent exploring Kara no Shoujo series, which represents a high point in the exploration of "paranoia and its resolution". I love the word "paranoid". Though the game adopted its special definition telling stories about some extremists, we are all "paranoids" under a general definition and it is exactly our "paranoia" that acts as our self-distinguishing elements. At least I have no doubt about being called a paranoid unless in public.

Pic shot by Syl in The Shell Part III: Paradiso

A typical example of this "paranoia" is my answer to my mother's life suggestion where I refused to "save some possibilities" for emerging choices and always acted with "no hesitation". A fruit of this mood of action is my refusing to try new thing, for sticking to old fashion is always self-consistent. However, this habit has been silently breaking down since this spring, where I joined several QQ groups of galgame and school's galgame club, making new connections with different people. Rather than feeling unease as I once "imagined", I felt unexpected relief and comfort especially when I managed to create unique memories for others in activities. On my second thought it is reasonable, for I have always been feeling happy for the happiness of people around me since I was a child.

Here is a old story. On the night when my uncle passed away (or maybe an ordinary night), I asked my mother whether it is possible for everybody to be always happy. And if the scope narrowed down to people around me, would it be possible. I clearly remember the "impossible" and my feeling at that time. I was not sadness, but a kind of awareness implying growth. Now I am deeply convinced that nobody could be happy forever, but I still find myself smiling when the people around me are happy.

Though it has been a long time, this story is not something at seabed of memory. In fact I have just shared it with somebody these days. Considering that I once said sharing my own story would be no longer meaningful, there seemed to be another choice of life and I chose to step into the unknown this time. And even more important, I am finally suggested to understand this change of mine.

It is from Mlle Aoko Aozaki in Mahoutsuikai no Yoru, a stylish girl who always spares no effort to fight the destiny. Though being put to a sudden change of life towards a future of uncertainty, she did not "refuse" it, but still embranced it with what she had achieved by herself before that as a confirmation of her own existence. Such a self-established mode of action overshadowed my "no hesitation" decision when facing unknown choice, which is actually a well-polished evasion.

Pic shot by Syl in WITCH ON THE HOLY NIGHT

To take one step further, the spirit of Miss Blue is more a complement than a contradiction of my previous mode of action. I do prefer on-scene decision with "no hesitation", however, considering that my knowledge about unknown thing is doubtlessly quite limited, enforcing myself to make on-scene decision for unknown thing could only lead to evasion; I do hate to "go with the flow", but it does not mean I have to always act against what occurs to me. One could canoeing out of the mainstream for his own direction, but it does not mean he had to get out of the water. To put it in another way, I should be confident that what I have achieved in the history of mine have bestowed a unique life upon me, and I should then mainly focus on "going with the fate" now. From this perspective I also have to admit that my mother is right again. Back to the early diverging point of my own life, probably I was just "saving some possibilities" before making decision to live an "ordinary" life, lol.

Finally, the rationale under this change is perhaps a switch of axiology. When we are thinking twice, we are mainly considering consequences or adopting a teleological approach to make choices. However, consequentialism fails when knowledge is limited, which then sheds light on the possibility of adopting a deontological approach instead. In situations like this, we try new thing just because trying new thing is worthwhile by its nature. And it is, since we would not grow up if we are simply sticking around. Am I taking risk of messing thing up? Yes, but why not be confident like Aoko. I should know that I am competent. As long as I do not intend to harm anyone, it is great to brave the unknown, isn't it?


by Syl & Sylvia @ 2025-08-25 16:04:06 @ Beijing, Haidian District
originally posted @ https://www.cnblogs.com @ 2025-08-25