hesitation called Daigo

Like the night, like the gorgeous night under the neon city, like the quiet night, like those noisy crowd on the night market, like you were in, although each is not to buy anything, just stroll it, but inexplicable like the night market atmosphere, surrounded by colored neon light, ears filled with cries of stalls, haggling sound, as well as the passion of DJ music, walking in the crowd, seems to put himself into a canned sardines, but still prefer to go to a search for a stall of some small things, with ethnic-style jewelry, all kinds of plush toys, colored snacks, are a temptation for me, so prefer the night.

Sitting on the bus looking out the window constantly flashed colorful billboards, those lights are not bright, but it exudes people fascinated by color, gently leaning against the seat, so wanton wind blowing, do not want anything, If this all night like a quiet, plain, serene. Bus station, walking alone in a small tree-lined road, no hustle and bustle of the night market, where the night is quiet, I think of Baby Anne, I think of her work, I think of her Double Happiness cigarettes, think of Her floral dress, I also like those cotton and linen products, like straw shoes, like to keep some of the flora, it is nostalgia.

Home is a warm haven, even if only own one. Open your favorite music for a long time sitting in front of computer access, code words, and sometimes feel very lonely, and sometimes so very like doing a quiet, quiet and simple. Perhaps this is one contradiction of it, but always prefer the night, like the solemn night, like the hustle and bustle of the night, like the night sky with bright moon, the stars look like little card.

Perhaps only in the night life will not wear a mask and let the soul ** wanton ride in the night, or wake, or intoxication, but always true to yourself, do not deliberately disguise a smile, you can cry cry , Laugh, you can do your favorite things, you can record all of the mood, you can go shopping, you can go for a walk, can be hair, you can nest at home, reading, listening to music or put the very old, very old movies, Sometimes in nearly midnight when out for a walk, then there is no pedestrian streets, no vehicles, only betray their own shadow, slowly walking in the tall plane trees, the smell of the flowers Indus, looking several The window is still lit, always like a window in the back of a there is a lone night as their favorite person,Because of this bias, I no longer believe that natural philosophy can be found in the meaning of life, but in my constant recourse, the meaning of life in my life actually becomes more important, I seem to live without it not! In hopelessness, I began wrestling with the power on their own, since they are contaminated by depression, life began to fall into the abyss, pale people can not face. I do not know life was so depressed, depressed or misunderstood a fictional world to the prison of self? I knew that the mind is limited, this solution can not be lost! Although often when the depression is always trying to jump out of prison, want to look for a different kind of life, how can the world can not escape the depression. Also want our lives than this, superficial, and music through life with a smile too! Want to be a hundred years Wuming disappear, leaving little trace, then double fear, always want to leave something for future generations, the survival of life in order! In fact, psychological understand what may leave it? What withstand the erosion of time? Although there have been short-term can be left, that had nothing to do with themselves! This nothingness, consciously boring, they are willing to bear the shadow of self-deception, not to pursue a dream of arrival!

In such a helpless, when literature into my eyes, before that I read the language in addition to textbooks, never know what is literature? Literature has been able to come to my world, because it take me to explore life's mission in the hands of my pursuit of the meaning of life, when a philosophical thought failed, it became my last dream, is the only dream. I picked a few of the literary classics to read, like reading books of philosophy as an attempt to squeeze from thinking, I thought the meaning of life can be found here, but I once again disappointed. Ignorance, I thought, not all of these classics are very good, but the literature made me believe that the "perception always obsolete, and in fact will never be obsolete." Gradually I have the urge to write, I write a book exploring the meaning of life. However, exactly how to write, then I was not very clear, I only vaguely aware of "Faust," wrote six years, "Resurrection" written a decade, "Madame Bovary," wrote a five-year, "Dream of Red Mansions" written a decade, I also write a book called "great and mediocre," time is probably ten years.

Quest for the meaning of life, to the era of mediocrity in this great way to find leads, I will create a number of people in the book, to get them to do experiments, so that they explore a new life, looking for a good broad road, and then I along the broad road once and for all that go. This time I was writing so much, as it is standing helpless on the fork, each of them representing each part of my soul, their mutual rivalry is my inner conflicts. I can not reconcile them, let them speak their own, and their silent. I discovered that there is a hesitation called ignorance, there is a hesitation called Daigo. When we lost the ultimate value, not judge the value of value, they have become equal for all values ??together, if we are inclusive of all, hesitation began. But people can not always remain in hesitation area, people must take action, but action will only accept people once a value, reject all other values, such action on the one hand the achievements of people, it also makes them become narrow . Whenever our nation in a long time among the rapids of change, there are always some people will have the first line when on the "promising" and "doing nothing" and "promising to do what" the hesitation and anxiety, I thought it for these and expanded.

I wrote some college, but they failed to amount to anything, and I have to watch the graduation. Because most of the time reading useless books, professional natural science courses was a mess, but fortunately university diploma hand, but also successfully mingled. Burdened with the unfinished manuscript, I reluctantly went to the community, began a wandering life, when my vision is: who will one day be a culture of learning, not to make a living while traveling. In no choice, I am wandering in a foreign land has become a failure, a mechanical engineer, is almost March, May 1st for work, rest days and occasionally go to the library borrow a book or two to read, and the remaining time is to get refreshed That did not complete the book. I know: in such a monotonous world, people are busy struggling to accumulation of some money to live, the ideal is just a laughing stock only, no one is willing to bear it tiring Warts and give real benefits. So life becomes a rigid model, a fixed standard, everyone consciously and unconsciously agreed that the track along the front line. Even though there are a few rebellious people, have an ideal of life, but once the reality of suffering setbacks, only to find another way out drift it! If there are those who stubbornly refused to inflow, but only the look around the vast helpless, or lonely to die holding, or holding the end of the meager hope that with everyone's struggling.

I am struggling with is this person at this time although I know to be a mechanical engineer future is not too bad, if the effort that is two decades after the family had a house and a car. But I think after all this is not the life I want, I work actively as one would like to take some money, freedom to do their own thing later, no longer wronged ourselves. But I eventually failed to do so, soon after graduating from my family suffered a misfortune, and I continue to be a variety of sick, I thought I was going to die, to lie down every night worrying about their future can not always wake up for no reason! Fragile life can not always expect people to death that come and who knows what will happen tomorrow. But life is not strong enough to make people think, as long as people still alive but not very difficult, in the death of countless fantasy night, I took the devil's hand tightly begged: "Please Wait, I have a something is not done! "I know nostalgia is not my life, nor is this world, I do not think just this one thing done! I need time to get this done! I like the collar of the decree came into this world, only to do this, Once this wish, when death seems to matter! To me, it is what I came into the world a sense of being full, I regard it as a monumental undertaking to run, although I clearly understand that immortality is just a false, but I prefer this one as long as false, and do not all other real!

After that day, I started with the death of the race, I want to finish it before the death, good God, mercy, I have not died young boy, had a false alarm is mental! However, I am after all a bad writer, writing nearly set to change to change from twenty to thirty, the golden years of my life almost all consumed here! Now I have nearly written, and then nothing, and the age of everyone thinking big as some, but also have their own way, every single time I passed away, but it might not be any glory and honor, but humble in this world Gou extension of a dash, and inviting the weight of life, people can not rise before and after painful, leaving slim hope of finding its own way back. Until today, I was surprised to find that some of the original experience of my life have a book, and I did not know, still dream of creating self-life! Is this everything is already doomed? I believe that we create in each other, but in any case I can not accept it as a prophet pointing out my future!