ETS Sample 3

2004年12月13日

Issue 3 "Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war even could. Environmental problems are gobal in scope and respect no nation's boundaries. Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other."

My Outline
1.affirm the situation that the environment surround us goes on declining.
2.unity and cooperation don't mean no politician, nor philosopher, even no war.
    a.
    b.
    c.
3.collaborate between each region and different region has their specific situation and specific respone.

Sample of ETS 6

Cooperation --- or Tragedy?

The solution to the world's growing environmental problems may have to wait awhile. It has been said that "environmental problems are global and respect no nation's boundaries." Unfortunately, pollution and its consequences still fall to large measure on those least likely to do anything about it: poor contries willing to sacrifice anything in order to sit at the table with the world's wealthy.

As far as the industrialized nations of the world are concerned, the world is a big place. Environment destruction taking place outside their borders may sometimes be fodder for government pronouncements of concern, but few concrete actions. Deforestation of the Amazon, for instance, is of vital concern to all those who wish to continue breathing. But the only effective deterrent to this activity, the restriction of international aid money to those contries showing net deforestation, has been stalled in the United Nations by those unwilling to "interfere" in the internal politics of other nations.

Because of the differential impact of polluting activities around the world, and even in different regions of a single country, many governments will undoubtedly continue to promulgate only modest environmental regualtions. Costs to polluting companies will continue to carry as much weight as the benefit of a pollution-free environment. Particularly in the current political climate of the United States, the well-documented expense of today's pollution-control measures will be stacked against the unknown long-term effects of polluting activities. "Why should I spent millions of dollars a year, which causes me to have to raise the cost of my goods or eliminate jobs, if no one really knows if air pollution is all that harmful? Show me the proof", an air polluting company my demand.

Realisitically, it won't be until critical mass is achieved that the hoped for "choice of unity and cooperation" will be a viable one. Only when the earth as a whole is so polluted that life itself becomes increasingly difficult for a majority of the world's people will there likely be the political will to force global environmental laws on believe that the world can be shown the error of its ways. They continue to point out that the sky is probably falling --- or at least developing a big hole. The world, as a whole, ignores them.

One would hope, however, that governments, perhaps through a stengthened U.N., could somehow be forced to realize that the Earth reaches the critical mass of pollution, it may be too late to do anything about it. That would be a "common tragedy" indeed.

My Remark
见解独特，说理有力

Remark of ETS
This excellent response displays an in-depth analysis of the issue and superior facility with language.

While acknowledging that environment problems are serious and of global dimensions, they essay explores the complexity of international cooperation. Such cooperation, the essay argues, runs into a variety of problems, and the writer offers persuasive examples to support that point:

--- the unwillingness of nations to "interfere" with other nations through political measures such as restriction of foreign aid

--- inadequate environmental regulations, which are caused both by "the different impact of polluting activities" between contries and regions and by the difficulty of comparing the "long-term effects of polluting activities" with the more easily documented, short-term costs of reducing pollution.

The essay distinguishes itself in part by its excellent organization. The first paragraph analyzes the claim and announces the writer's position; the second and third paragraphs provide clear examples supporting that position. The skillful use of a quatation from a business person vividly illustrates the economic impart of pollution controls. The last two paragraphs bring a sense of closure to the essay by continuing the theme announced in the first paragraph --- that cooperation must wait untill more dire circumstances produce the political will necessary to reduce pollution.

The essay exhibits superior control of grammar and syntax, with only minor errors. Transitional phrase --- "because", "however", "for instance" --- help guide the reader through the argument. Also, effective sentence variety and the use of precise word choice help confirm the score of 6.

Sample of ETS 5

At no other time then in our present time has the need for unity and togetherness been more necessage to the inhabitants on our planet. For many decades the motto has been one of waste and denial. The world is in a race - racing to become number one - racing to destroy the earth. Traditions of protecting the earth have been abandoned as the need to satisfy infantile needs and desires wins out over the more philosophical desires of thought and meaning. Unfortunately many do not see the need for reforms in actions and thoughts; people are living for today and not tomorrow. Those that can believe in a fature, and exhibit a desire to make a difference in this future must find a way to influence the remaining masses, and often it seems that the world simply refused to listen or learn from its past mistakes.

Those that answer this calling will not do so far notiority, but instead for their beliefs that they can make a difference. They will need to be of strong heart, body, soul, and beliefs. Understanding the need for an overhaul in our system in the rampant abuses is the first step to obtaining advacement in the struggle to bring the world together in a way that will benefit mankind today and tomorrow.

For too many years American's have persuaded themselves that environment  was in no danger. Every year laws have been passed to protect our land, animals, and even our people. More often that not there are loopholes in these laws, allowing the environment to remain in peril. It seems that we often forget that we are not the only ones on earth. We are only a small percent age, and much too often our actions have a great effect on those that must subsist on this earth as well. One threatening example of this is the depletion of the rain forests in the Central and South Americas. It seems difficult for Americans to understand how these people can destroy their natural landscapes. Not only is the landscape destroyed and the invaluable plants and animal life are also destroyed, and these can never be recovered. Americans express their annoyance at such practices, failing to see that we as consumers are one of the main causes of such actions. As a consumer society we depend on wood and other materials from these areas. Unfortunately these are as are nothing like what we see at home, instead it is a world of unimaginable poverty and harshness. In these areas where poverty is so prevalent often the only means of survival is found through the clearing of the precious rain forest for farm land. Certainly the fact that these people are farming in order to maintain their survial is important and can not to be overlooked. Yet, in most cases the farming is not done as a means of raising food and livestock for their own uses. This land is usually used to grow food for other contries such as America. This scenario depicts the wickedness that has become of our world. The first world nations are destroying the second and third world nations in order to fuel our excessive desires.

The world must find a way to come together so that these will be a tomorrow for everyone. New legislation must be passed that protects not only the evironment of America, but the environment of other contries. Big business must also realize that they can no longer user dirty legislation and kickbacks to continue to pollute the earth.

Another important aspect that people must learn is that we cannot learn to recycle and reduce waste, one day we will run out of dumping ground. It is frightening to think that this is will to take to make most people realize that actions must be taken to clean up our earth. It seems that we will not only be albe to come together when there is not other alternative. Perhaps the must unfathomable thought is, what happens if people do not unite together now to protect our environment. It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war as we fright each other to death over the last precious miles of land and food. Civilization will have come full circle; all of our technological and scientific advances will mean nothing if the earth is destroyed and mankind subsequently wiped out with it.

Remark of ETS

This is a generally well-developed essay that examines the complexities of the issue and demonstrates good control of the elements of effective writing.

The writer strongly agrees with the topic's claim and uses the first paragraph to expand on the idea that environmental problems imperil the earth.  These problems, according to the writer, derive from people's lack of maturity ("infantile needs and desires") and lack of foresight ("people are living for today and not tomorrow.")

The third paragraph provides a highly relevant example of the complexities involved in the issue, showing how damage to the rainforest can be attributed both to poverty in Latin America and to the voracious appetite of the wealthy North American "consumer society."  From here the writer returns to the focus on planning for "tomorrow" and proposes a specific remedy ("New legislation must be passed????")  The essay closes with a passionate description of a negative scenario for the future.

The response is well organized but, unlike a 6 essay, does not sustain a tight focus.  Although the example of the rain forest degradation is highly relevant and fully developed, many of the reasons and assertions receive only cursory development or explanation ("new legislation must be passed????  It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war????").

The sentence structure in the essay is often nicely varied ("Not only is the landscaped destroyed but????"), but it is at times choppy ("This land is????" "This scenario depicts????" "The first world nations????") The vocabulary is generally well chosen, with words such as "depletion," "unfathomable," and "subsequently."  However, the phrasing is at times imprecise, as in these examples: "We are only a small percentage,"  and "At no other time then in our present time has the need??? been more necessary????"