ETS Sample 2

2004年12月12日

Issue 2. "The media (book, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society."

My outline:
1.The media indeed reflect the values of a society, which they never originally create.
2.Reason
    a.People get close to thoughts of others through the media
    b.The media reflect a certain status of a society
    c.The media could induce values, but finally it is people who make the decisions.
The most popular media are very close to reader's interest

Sample of ETS: 6

For our grandparents it occurred through films and books. For the baby boomers it was a result of television and revolutionay music. No matter how the impact took place, it is clear that since its very advent, the media have played a crucial role in not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well.

During the roaring twenties Americans found themselves in a struggle between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future. the once steadfast beliefs that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being challenged. From where was all this rebelling stemming? Partly it was due to the returning doughboys from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war. Nonetheless, returning soldiers could not be held responsible for the social upheaval that America experienced. There had to be another cause, and there was, the media. Although the films of the ear were silent they spoke volumes to the society for which they were created. Women in these movies wore their hemlines a few inches shorter that the decade before them and they wore cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts. The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated a new meterialistic attitude that America had never before experienced. Films portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke and partake in the leisures of life, a philosophy that was soon adopted by the youth of the decade. The use of the media in the twenties was to serve as a catalyst for the revolutionary ideas that were circulating. The films and books of that era sped America along its path of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest that the United States had erer known.

Unlike the twenties, the sixties and seventies utilized the media in a way that appealed to those searching for truth in a lost and confused world. Martin Luther King Jr. realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights. King urged his followers to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society. By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race. Americans began to sympathize with the protesters because of the undeserved turmoil they faced at the hands of the government. As a result, America relinquished the Jim Crow laws and saw many other groups press for their individual right as well. Television cameras rolled as Cesar Chavez organized the migrant workers in California and as Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham linked arms to protest the lack of women's rights.

While the media helped to shape some attitudes about racism and gender it also helped to uncover the truth behind government lies during the Nixon.

My remark
思路和我的不一样，所谈的问题也都是和政治相关的，难道这样好一些？文章的作者知识背景很丰富，举出的例子也很有说服力，语言的驾驭能力就更不用说了。

Remark of ETS

This is an outstanding response, even though it is not quite finished.  The writer's views on the issue are so cogent, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion. What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.

The writer's skill is apparent in the opening lines.  The first words, "For our grandparents it occurred," immediately spark the reader's interest.  The quick repetition of sentence structure and, once again, the intentionally vague use of "it" ("For the baby boomers it was") effectively draw the reader in.  By the third sentence, we know that this essay will address the complexity of the issue ("not simply being representative??? but creating them as well") and that the writer is fully in command of this discussion.

The rest of the essay addresses the influence of historical events and media on the values of modern society, from the "roaring twenties" to the "sixties and seventies."  Insightful analysis accompanies the historical references.  For example, the writer persuasively argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.

Throughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively.  Word choice is precise ("cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts"), sentences are structured to communicate ideas clearly ("There had to be another cause, and there was, the media"), and transitional phrases help move the argument forward ("Unlike the twenties, the sixties????" and "By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.")

Occasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in "women??? wore their hemlines??? shorter than the decade before them"), but they are not intrusive.

Other 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the media's role in Nixon's Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion.  However, even in its unfinished state, the essay does present an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.

Sample of ETS: 5
There are some who would say that the media reflects the values of society. I believe however, that the media in fact tend to create values in a society. The values created may be far different from the values that our society would choose to embrace. I offer two examples that serve well to illustrate that the media can in fact shape the very moral fibers in our society.

The first medium that comes to mind is music. Through music we can proclaim our lave, communicate feelings, and express new attitudes. Music is widely available to almost everyone in our society. To see how music has changed the values of our society, one needs only to look to the urban sprawl. Rap and gangsta styles of music reach millions of city teens and young adults. It's message is quite simpe - violence, drugs, and sex. Young people are constantly bombarded with the message that if you want something all you have to do is to take it. The values of human life, respect for elders and children have been lost. We have gangs and random killings in the streets of most cities in our country. Are these my values? They are most certainly not. This music does not reflect the values of this society. This music is the very core of this degradation of our values. How many tricked out gang cars to you see that don't have the annoying bass rumble of Rap music vibrating out of them? This music is part of the pesona of a whole generation of people. It is just as much a part of their ego as the guns, drugs, and abuse of women. Another medium that is shaping the values of our society is advertising.

Advertising is everywhere, on T.V., billboards, radio, even at the ballpart. Through advertising some vendors can create "values". To illumistrate my point I will use tobacco companies as an example. Joe Camel has convinced millions of young people that it is cool to smoke. The Marlboro man has done the same. The audience is always the same. These ads are targeting you poeple. They have created the "value" among children that is is ok for kids to smoke. Again the values of society have been changed by a powerful media. I'm sure there are not too many parents out there who would want their children to start smoking. Another advertising media that will surely change the value of our society is the Internet.

The internet is really just the world's largest commercial lauched under the vail of access of useful information. It will be interesting to see just how this new network that has brought the world together will affect our values. These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point. I think they serve to illustrate that the media can in fact chage our values. As for me, I'll be out back smoking a Don Lino, on a beautiful trout stream while sipping a cold beer, waiting for the trout to rise and hoping a couple of those girls from the Coors commercial show up.

My Remark
这篇文章从另一个方面表达了对该观点的看法：媒体反映的并不一定是真正的社会价值，虽然如此，它的确Shape some values。

Remark of ETS
This is a well-developed response.  The four-paragraph organizational structure serves as a useful framework for the writer to develop a position on the issue.

The opening paragraph presents the writer's position ("media in fact tend to create values in a society") and announces the plan to present two examples to support that position. As promised, two examples (music and advertising) follow in the next two paragraphs.  The discussion of these examples is focused, relevant, and clear.  Using vivid details and an emphatic writing style, the writer shows how music (especially rap and gansta music) and advertising (especially cigarette ads) have negatively influenced American values.

The final paragraph is an extension of the advertising example, focusing on the Internet as part of the advertising system.  While the writer does little more than speculate on the influence that the Internet might have, this point does lead the reader to the writer's lively conclusion.  The vivid picture of the writer enjoying the media-defined good life ("smoking a Don Lino??? while sipping a cold beer") effectively illustrates the writer's position that the media do, indeed, influence people in our society.

Overall, the reasoning is persuasive and the examples are well chosen, but the argument lacks the insight and cogency necessary for a score of 6. The ideas in the essay are expressed clearly, although precision of language is not a strong feature.  Sentences are generally well formed, often adding "punch" to the writer's views.  Some sentences are unnecessary, especially those that belabor the obvious ("These are just examples but I think they are effective at making my point.  I think they serve to illistrate that the media can in fact change our values.")  Overall, however, the writing is representative of a 5 essay.

What I gain
GRE作文的表述要力求客观，见解力求深刻，说明问题时要有理有据，同时尽量避免一些常见的错误。