ETS Sample 1

2004年12月11日

从今天起，开始实际的练习GRE作文。初步打算是想从ETS的范文开始，熟悉题型，学习经典例子，逐渐提高自己的思维能力和写作水平。

Issue1 "Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilization in which loneliness is ever increasing."

My outline:
1.affirm the satuation
2.explain why
    a.lack of communacation between people
    b.misunderstand the real uses of technological tools
    c.It is human who create modern civilization, and the using of tools is not the final target.
3.tools are not major reason for loneliness.

Sample of ETS: 6  

Technology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history. Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology. For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together. Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes. Only very lately have Erg's descendants come to question the benefits of technology. The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks. As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distrubution(so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine. Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossing together, but by down-trodden automation's operating machinery in grim factories.

The benifits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous. They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines. Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home. He won't need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms. Hungry? Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet...

Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision. Erg may be doing work, but is it real work? Are his online friends real friends? Does anything count in a spiritual way if it is just digital? Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turing into our machines: efficent, productive, souless. The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screen, turing us into streams of bits of interchangable data. We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends. We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them. In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.

As I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technology's original result. A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art. Our newest technology does not give us more free time to pursue other things such as art. Our newest thechnology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other. We stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or tring new things.

While I am certainly not Luddite, I do believe we need a look for a bit more balance between technology and life. We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world. Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information. Now we need to apply that information, use the time we are not spend conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.

My Remark
This issue is terrific. 开头很巧妙的引入主体，用两段略为夸张的情景描绘出Technology带给我们什么，进而讨论我们或者的目的以及技术本身的目的。最后给出总结。

Remark of ETS
This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language. The essay immediately identifies the complexities of the issue and then playfully explores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history. The writer maintains that a "balance between technology and lift" is necessary if human are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.

Sample of ETS: 5

I disagree with the argument that "Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them created modern civilizations in which loneliness is erer increasing." Arguments can be made for this thesis, but they depend largely upon what I believe to be a poor definition of "loneliness".

If one defines loneliness as the absence of as much physical, face-to-face contact with other people, then this argument is probably true. The invention of modern telecommunications devices such as telephones, fax machines, and computers has definitely cut down on the amount of physical contact with other people. This is especially true in recent times due to teh extremely rapid expansion of the Internet. E-mail and tele-conferencing are direct substitutes for physical contact, especially in the business world.

Howere, I believe that loneliness can be better measured by intellectual contact with other individuals. Unarguably, modern technology makes this faster and easier, with better communication with a larger number of people. Some employers have argued that productivity is lessened since they have had computers linked to the Internet, as the employees spend much of their time "chatting" with friends, acquaintances, or business contact across the country. This is probably not a good thing for the employers, but it demonstrates the increased degree of communication due to modern technology.

Of course, some technologies have increased loneliness by any standards, such as the automobile or other transportation mechanisms. These encourage substantially longer commutes between home and work. Automobiles have mad posible the pattern of suburbanization that has been in place in the United States since immediately after World War Two. Time spent commuting is generally unproductive and spent alone, nuless individual in question is car-pooling or using mass transit. The contribution of the commuting culture to loneliness may actually be changing now due to new technology that is being invented and used by the general public. Popular new devices, such as the cellular phone, the laptop computer, and the combination thereof may actually convert commuting time to a period of increased communications between people, to "pass the time". This will be especially true as use of mass transit grows, which will probably happen, due to problems with gas shortages, air pollution, and the creation of further mass transit by federal and local governments.

The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unalbe to afford or use these new devices. Howere, since the advent of the personal computer, the price per computing power has continually lowered rapidly, and this trend shows no sign of changing. Several companies, such as Sun Microsystems and Oracle have announced that they are attempting to develop terminals with little computing power, but a full capability to access the Internet. These devices will be in approximately the $500 price range, which is much more reasonable than than the price of the current top of the line PC. In addition, to cater to larger mass of the public, software companies have been carefully making their products easier to use by non-"computer nerds". This trend is not likely to cease.

In conclusion, although early development of modern transportation may have increased loneliness, I believe that more recent technologies are actually doing the opposite, stimulating interpersonal contact and encouraging intellectual expansion. The perception that the opposite is true derives from what I believe is poor definition of loneliness and difficulty that the working class has in acquiring and using modern telecommunications devices.

My Remark 
这篇文章和前面一片满分文章确实是有差距的，原因在于这篇文章不是很客观，对问题的理解没有上一篇文章深入。Howere, 5分已经是很好的成绩了，本文的观点很明确，全文也是围绕着这一观点展开的，具有一定的说服力。 

Remark of ETS

This strong response analyzes the complexities of the issue.  In disagreeing with the prompt, the writer makes a distinction between two types of loneliness -- loneliness caused by "the absence of??? physical contact" and loneliness brought about by a lack of "intellectual contact" with others.  The essay reasons that while "the automobile and other transportation mechanisms" originally kept passengers physically and intellectually isolated from one another, modern technology, such as the cellular telephone and laptop computer
, has made intellectual contact "faster and easier" and has benefited users by allowing them to communicate with "a larger number of people."

The response provides clear and relevant examples of the ways in which technological developments facilitate and encourage intellectual communication.  The writer examines the impact of user-friendly Internet access on the individual's ability to interact with others even when physical distance separates the communicating parties.

The organization is clear, yet transitions between paragraphs are not always smooth.  The body of the essay lacks the focus that would help move it to a score of 6.  It is not always clear how the information given relates to the essay's initial position (e.g., the discussion of current prices for personal computers in paragraph five).  The conclusion, while clearly relevant, attempts to impose order on the somewhat loosely connected paragraphs, yet fails to add substance to the analysis.

On the whole, the essay displays clarity and control, but the language is sometimes imprecise and less tightly controlled than it would be in a 6 essay. The following sentence is one such example: "The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices."

Relevant Links
我的人生追求 by Bertrand Russell
哲学问题 http://www.ditext.com/russell/russell.html 

What I gain
复习GRE的确是件很艰巨的事情，不知道我能否坚持下来。一篇Issue，就是要充分表达你对某一问题的观点和看法，一方面考查分析和理解能力，一方面考查理解能力。写Issue切忌假大空，一定要中心明确，有逻辑性的说清楚自己的观点，尽可能得让读者信服。