My Thoughts - 2025.04.29

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Today, I remembered a sentence written by Uncle Lin Nan:
"No one will accompany you for a lifetime, so you must adapt to loneliness. No one will help you for a lifetime, so you must keep striving."

Since resigning from my job, I've fallen into a state of self-abandonment. I’ve been spending all my time on gaming and doing things I couldn’t do before, simply because I had been too focused on working hard.

During this period, even when I studied for IELTS and other English exams in preparation for working abroad, it was merely a side adjustment outside of gaming hours. It was never the main focus of my energy. I’m aware of how this state affects me—both now and in the future. But I feel like I’m just burying my head in the sand to avoid thinking too much about it.

However, as time goes on, those concerns return. I worry whether I’ll end up being completely useless, or turn into an outright slacker. I can feel myself becoming unusually conflicted. Sometimes, I recognize the necessity and importance of effort. Other times, I just want to give in completely to laziness.

I’ve come to realize that relying on interpersonal relationships as the foundation for my future has always been a mistake. I once hoped that by strengthening friendships, I’d gain psychological comfort—as if, even after leaving the workplace, life wouldn’t feel so bad. But reality is far from that. As people around me grow older, they become more pragmatic.

After quitting my job, I feel like I’ve become someone aimless—a drifter. Some people no longer interact with me the way they used to. From what I recall, when I was more accomplished, more people suddenly appeared, asking what I’d been up to. But when I wasn’t doing well anymore, the number quickly dwindled.

Through this process, though, I’ve also realized that some friends stay by your side no matter what. That kind of “helping hand during tough times” is truly heartwarming, and I’m very thankful for them.

There’s an old saying: “Humans are social animals.” That resonates deeply with me, because that’s exactly who I am. I genuinely enjoy connecting with friends and have little tolerance for solitude. So then… what happens when you're no longer good enough? You just have to develop greater endurance against loneliness. But that completely contradicts my personality.

Does that mean I have no choice but to become excellent?

I don’t think humans can afford to be mediocre. Otherwise, they’ll face countless difficulties ahead.

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 今天又想起来林男叔写的一句话：没有人会陪你一辈子，所以你必须适应孤独。没有人会帮你一辈子，所以你必须一致奋斗。
 从离职以来，我陷入一种自我放弃的状态，全部的时间都投入到游戏中，做所有自己之前因为要努力而做不了的事情。
 即便是中间为了出国工作，也学习了一段时间雅思等英语考试，但是这个过程只不过是游戏时间之外的调剂，而非我的主要精力投入的部分。我知道这种状态对自己个人的影响，当下的和未来的，只不过是把头埋进沙子里，不愿意去想太多罢了。但，时间长了之后，又会有顾虑，担心是否未来自己一无是处，彻底变为一个懒汉。能感觉到自己变得异常矛盾了，时而认识到努力的必要性和重要性，时而又想彻底懒惰。

 我认识到，我一直以来的一种将自己的未来寄托在人际关系上的想法是错误的。我希望能通过拉近和朋友的关系，来获得心理上的慰藉。好像即便是离职了，也过的不是很差。但事实远非如此，随着年龄的增长，我发现人或多或少地变得更加现实。这就是，我离职后，好像成为了一个混子，有些人也变得不像以前爱搭理我。我大概记得，当我变得更优秀时，有更多的人突然就会出现在身边，来关心我最近在做什么。而当我变得不优秀时，身边的人变少了。（但在这个过程中，我也意识到，有些朋友依然会在你身边，这种雪中送炭的感受非常好，感谢他们）。以前有一句话说：”人是社会属性的动物“，我深以为然，我也是这样的人，我确实享受有朋友联系的时间，对孤独的忍受能力不高。那么，当我变得不够优秀的时候，你就需要更多地忍受孤独。这与我的性格特点相悖。所以，结论是我必须变得优秀？

 我想，人还是不能变得太差，否则会遇到非常多的困难。