新年随笔

几天前，某社交平台上的投票引起了我的注意，投票的问题是 : 如果给你一千万，让你踩死你的小猫，你愿意吗？截止时，41% 的人都选择了金钱。 此社交平台的女性数量远多于男性，若是将此投票搬运到男性较多的社交平台上，想必该比例还会更高。

对人性一向悲观的我对此投票结果并不感到诧异。在物欲横流的现代社会，一部分人有这样的认知是非常正常的。

让我心头一紧的却是评论区里的一条评论: 一个女孩说 "我的妈妈躺在病床上，如果能让她好好活着，我去杀一个人都没问题"。

短短的一句话让我陷入了漫长的思考。中学时期的我天真的以为，一个人只要有同理心，就是一个善良的人。如今想想，这种观点何其肤浅！倘若有一天，我拿着杀人得来的血钱给母亲看病，她一定会认为我在羞辱她，因此我必然不会这么做。然而不是每个人都这样想。制造邪恶的，并不永远是那些冷酷无情的刽子手。反之，世界上的许多罪恶，恰恰是由于一部分有血有肉之人 “自私的同情心” 导致的。耶鲁大学心理学系教授 Paul Bloom 在他的 << 反对同情 >> 中也提到了类似的观点。

我曾诧异于缅北犯罪分子的无法无天，好奇为何世界上有人为了钱，竟能贩卖他人的器官; 也曾被拉美毒贩折磨人的恐怖手法深深震惊。残忍的真相是，这些极端恶毒之人并不是没有感情。也许他们的另一面，是好父亲、好丈夫、大孝子，而利益却使他们变成了魔鬼。平日生活里遇到的人们又有多少禁得起金钱与权利的诱惑？法律与道德规范了人们的行为，而当秩序崩塌之时，人性之最丑恶一面才会被彻底暴露出来。

回想起在当助教时遇到的缅甸学生，他告诉我无论如何也要留在加拿大。如果回到自己的国家，他将被迫参军，替野蛮的军政府卖命。我时常想，如果自己是一名普通的缅甸老百姓，在面对这样的道德困境时，我应该勇敢地对强权说不，还是为了自己的生存利益，将枪口指向无辜的百姓？

究竟什么是好，什么是坏？善恶是否真正存在于这个世界上？如果是的话，正义是否又总能战胜邪恶？雨果 <<悲惨世界>> 中的芳汀有一颗善良的心，然而，也正是因她的恋爱脑和无底线，使得她轻信了渣男的花言巧语，怀上身孕后被抛弃，度过了不幸的一生。兵荒马乱的年代里，那些打砸抢的社会盲流们往往结局悲惨；而煽动者和独夫民贼们却总是逃脱应有的惩罚。故大众语境下的善良与邪恶可以被定义为两种生存方式，一种是利他主义，希望通过与他人合作争取自己和群体的利益；而另一种则是利己主义，通过剥削、控制他人最大化自己的利益。利他主义者更受欢迎，因为他们对所有人都有益；而利己主义者则被仇恨，因为他们为了自身伤害他人。利他主义者若没有强大的保护机制，就成了待宰的羔羊。而利己主义者若没有充分的伪装和足够的智商，就容易成为更加邪恶之人的棋子。一切的一切，不过是一种生存本能罢了，只有适应这个世界规律的人才能存活。反抗本能的人虽然高尚，但他们永远无法有好的结局，因为反抗本能意味着做违背自己利益的事。

世界的许多真相如此荒诞与冷漠，作为个体的我们如何度过幸福的一生？既然一切的一切都是徒劳，既然每个人的一举一动都是权衡利弊的选择，人生的意义又在于何呢？

法国哲人加缪在他的散文 <<西西弗斯神话>> 中将多数人比作被众神诅咒的西西弗斯。回想过去的一年，生活、学业的压力，和对未来的恐惧与不安让我一时失去了方向。虽然没有物质层面的忧虑，但也总为了各种各样的事情而烦恼纠结，我又将多少真正宝贵的时间留给了自己？日复一日浑浑噩噩的生活究竟是为了什么？同样的问题也曾困扰过加缪，他曾说，哲学中最重要的问题便是: 一个人该不该放弃生命。然而他最终勇敢地回答: "不!" 因为在这个冷漠而残酷的世界活下去，便已是对荒诞最有力的反抗。<<西西弗斯神话>> 的文末，加缪说 "The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." (攀登山顶的拼搏本身足以充实一颗人心。应当想像西西弗斯是幸福的)。而他本人短暂却充实的一生，也诠释了这句话的重量和意义。

雨果曾说 "将来人们会把犯罪看作一种疾病，由一批特殊的医生来医治这种病。医院将取代监狱"。以暴制暴是否永远正确？美国一名男子因脑瘤而成为了恋童变态，心理学中的著名人物 Phineas Gage 因为意外事故而性格大变。善良与邪恶是一种生存选择，与其用邪恶的方式回击邪恶，不妨用理性、智慧与共情让内心狭隘之人学会合作与包容。雨果看清了世界丑恶的本质，但仍对人性抱有最美好的期待，正如 << 悲惨世界 >> 中的每一个人都并非完美，但他们最终都摒弃了自己的阴暗面，走向光明。

昨天是除夕夜，我给许多朋友送去了新春祝福。一位在生活和学业上给予我诸多帮助的友人，他对身边所有人都能帮则帮，却很少需求回报。我曾天真的以为他看不透人性，不知道有许多人利用他爱帮忙的性格。如今终于明白他并不是不懂，只是看清真相后依然选择善良，尽可能减轻他人的负担并感染身边的人。还有下棋时认识的学姐，她志愿毕业后回到中国，为国家的教育事业贡献自己的力量。虽然世界残缺不堪，但总有那些心怀理想与正义的人缝缝补补。

新的一年里，愿自己成为更加平和、理性、独立、勇敢和善良的人。在学业上，制定明确的目标，不与他人比较但尽全力提升自己；既不妄自尊大，也不妄自菲薄。在生活上，尽可能帮助身边需要帮助的人，但也不过分慷慨，学会尊重每一个人；努力为那些弱势群体和遭受不公的人争取权利，而当邪恶降临时，即使没有能力反抗，也尽量不要成为帮凶；即使成为了帮凶，也要保持自己善良的本心。

当有了忙里偷闲的时间，就尽情去享受生活吧！看一本书，听一首歌，下一盘棋，游一场泳，爱一个人... 无需追问人生的意义，纵使每个人都是命运下的蝼蚁，纵使生活变得枯燥如西西弗斯推石头上山下山，也要努力活出自己的本色。回想起中学那些年，为了找回童年因同伴羞辱而丢失的自信，为了心中梦想的声音，不顾他人质疑参加了信息学竞赛。一路上经历风风雨雨，有过成功失败，也曾失落彷徨，几度在深夜时默默流泪。不过一直咬牙坚持了下来。虽然没能拿到名校的入场券，如今回忆起那些往事，何尝不是一种苦涩的甜蜜？不仅如此，那段岁月也证明了我出色的毅力与决心。新学期的开始并不顺利，繁忙的学业与过度的思考使我的精神状态再次变得无比糟糕，而在这种情况下，更应冷静下来，直面问题。

新的一年，愿所有善良的人被世界温柔以待。新春快乐，万事胜意！

2025 年 1 月 29 日于温哥华

New Year’s Reflection

A few days ago, I came across a poll on a social media platform that immediately caught my attention. The question asked was:
“If you were given 10 million (dollars), would you be willing to step on and kill your kitten?”
By the time the poll closed, 41% of respondents had chosen the money. Given that this particular social media platform has a far greater number of female users than male, I suspect that if the same poll were conducted on a platform with a predominantly male user base, the percentage might be even higher.

For someone who has long held a pessimistic view of human nature, this result did not surprise me. In a modern society saturated with material desires, it is entirely natural for some people to adopt such a perspective.

What, however, made my heart tighten was a comment in the comment section. A girl wrote:
"My mother lies in a hospital bed; if it meant that she could live properly, I wouldn’t hesitate to kill someone."

That single sentence plunged me into prolonged contemplation. In my middle school years, I naively believed that as long as one possessed empathy, one was inherently kind. In retrospect, how shallow that view must have been! If, one day, I were to use blood money earned from murder to pay for my mother’s treatment, she would undoubtedly see it as an insult—and I would never do such a thing. Yet not everyone thinks in the same way. The architects of evil are not always the cold, unfeeling executioners. On the contrary, many of the world’s misdeeds are exactly the result of a group of flesh-and-blood individuals whose “selfish compassion” leads them astray. Yale University psychology professor Paul Bloom, in his work Against Empathy, has touched upon similar ideas.

I have marveled at the lawlessness of criminals in northern Myanmar and wondered how anyone in the world could, for money’s sake, traffic in another person’s organs; I have also been deeply shocked by the horrific methods employed by Latin American drug traffickers to torture their victims. The brutal truth is that these extremely malevolent individuals are not devoid of emotions. Perhaps, on another level, they are good fathers, good husbands, or devoted children—yet the lure of profit transforms them into monsters. How many people in everyday life can truly withstand the temptations of money and power? While laws and morality regulate behavior, it is only when social order collapses that the ugliest facets of human nature are fully exposed.

I recall a Burmese student I met while serving as a teaching assistant. He told me that, under any circumstances, he must remain in Canada. If he returned to his home country, he would be forced to join the military and serve a barbaric junta. I often wonder: if I were an ordinary Burmese citizen facing such a moral dilemma, would I bravely defy tyranny, or, for the sake of my own survival, would I point a gun at innocent people?

What, then, constitutes “good” and what “evil”? Does such a dichotomy truly exist in this world? And if it does, can justice always triumph over wickedness? In Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables, Fantine possessed a kind heart; yet it was precisely her naïve infatuation and lack of boundaries that led her to trust the empty promises of a scoundrel—resulting in an unwanted pregnancy, abandonment, and a life of misery. In chaotic times, those who engage in looting, arson, and vandalism often meet tragic ends, while the instigators and traitors frequently escape the punishment they deserve. In common discourse, goodness and evil are defined as two modes of survival: one is altruism, which seeks to secure the interests of oneself and one’s group through cooperation; the other is egoism, which aims to maximize one’s own benefit by exploiting and controlling others. Altruists are generally more admired because their actions benefit everyone; egoists, on the other hand, are despised for harming others in pursuit of self-interest. Without robust protection, altruists become like lambs waiting to be slaughtered, while egoists who lack sufficient camouflage or intellect can easily become pawns for even greater evildoers. In the final analysis, everything is merely an expression of a survival instinct—only those who adapt to the rules of this world can survive. Though resisting one’s own instincts may be noble, such resistance rarely leads to a favorable outcome, for it involves acting against one’s own interests.

So many of the world’s truths are absurd and indifferent—how, then, can we as individuals hope to live a happy life? If, in the end, everything is futile and every action is merely the result of weighing benefits and costs, what is the meaning of life?

The French philosopher Albert Camus, in his essay The Myth of Sisyphus, compared most people to Sisyphus, cursed by the gods. Reflecting on the past year, the pressures of life and study, along with fear and uncertainty about the future, left me momentarily adrift. Although I did not suffer from material deprivation, I was nonetheless troubled by countless worries—how much of my truly precious time had I devoted to myself? What was the purpose of living a monotonous, muddled life day after day? Camus himself grappled with this very question; he once said that the most important question in philosophy is whether one should give up on life. Yet he ultimately answered with courage: “No!” For merely surviving in this cold and brutal world is the strongest defiance against absurdity. At the end of The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus wrote,
"The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."
His own brief yet fulfilling life embodied the weight and significance of that statement.

Victor Hugo once remarked,
"In the future, crime will be regarded as an illness, to be cured by a special class of doctors. Hospitals will replace prisons."
Is it always right to fight violence with violence? Consider an American man who, due to a brain tumor, became a pedophile, or the famous case of Phineas Gage, whose personality was radically altered by an accident. Goodness and evil are choices we make in order to survive; rather than repaying evil with evil, perhaps it is better to use reason, intelligence, and empathy to teach those with narrow hearts the values of cooperation and tolerance. Hugo saw through the ugliness of the world, yet he still held the most beautiful hopes for human nature. Just as no character in Les Misérables is perfect, they all eventually abandon their inner darkness and move toward the light.

Yesterday was New Year’s Eve, and I sent New Year greetings to many friends. One friend—who has helped me greatly in both life and academics—is always willing to assist everyone around him, seldom asking for anything in return. I once naively thought that he was oblivious to human nature, unaware that many people exploit his helpful nature. Now I understand that he is not naive at all; rather, he sees the truth yet chooses to remain kind, striving to ease the burdens of others and inspire those around him. I also recall an older female student I met while playing chess, who has volunteered to return to China after graduation to contribute to her country’s educational development. Although the world is marred by imperfections, there are always those who, with ideals and a sense of justice, work to mend its flaws.

In the coming year, I hope to become a more peaceful, rational, independent, brave, and kind person. Academically, I plan to set clear goals, avoid comparing myself with others while striving to improve to the best of my ability; I will neither become arrogantly self-assured nor unduly self-deprecating. In life, I will do my utmost to help those in need—without being excessively generous—and learn to respect everyone. I will work to defend the rights of the disadvantaged and those suffering from injustice; and when evil descends, even if I lack the power to resist, I will try not to become an accomplice. Even if I ever find myself in the role of an accomplice, I must remain true to my inherently kind nature.

Whenever you manage to steal a moment of leisure amidst a busy life, take the time to enjoy it! Read a book, listen to a song, play a game of chess, go for a swim, love someone… There is no need to endlessly question the meaning of life. Even if every person is but an insignificant speck under the hand of fate, even if life becomes as monotonous as Sisyphus endlessly pushing his boulder up and down the mountain, one must strive to live out one’s true self. I recall my middle school years—how, in order to reclaim the lost confidence shattered by the ridicule of peers and to follow the call of my dreams, I disregarded the doubts of others and participated in informatics competitions. I experienced many trials and tribulations along the way, enjoyed successes and endured failures, and, during some lonely nights, silently wept. Yet I persevered. Although I did not secure admission to a prestigious university, looking back on those days, isn’t it a kind of bittersweet sweetness? Moreover, that period attested to my remarkable perseverance and determination. The start of the new semester has not been smooth; the burdens of study and excessive rumination have once again left my mental state in disarray. In such circumstances, it is all the more necessary to remain calm and confront problems head-on.

In the new year, may all the kind-hearted be treated gently by the world. Happy New Year, and may all your endeavors be victorious!

January 29, 2025, in Vancouver