小学生搞笑造句

    1、张海迪姐姐瘫痪了; 

　　2、张海迪姐姐顽强地学习; 

　　3、张海迪姐姐学会了多门外语; 

　　4、张海迪姐姐学会了针灸。 

　　正确答案应该是:"张海迪姐姐虽然瘫痪了,但顽强地学习,不仅学会了多门外语, 

而且还学会了针灸。 

结果有一个写:虽然张海迪姐姐顽强地学会了针灸和多门外语,可她还是瘫痪了。 

又发现N多更猛的写道: 

* 张海迪姐姐不但学会了外语,还学会了针灸,她那么顽强地学习,终于瘫痪了! 

* 张海迪姐姐之所以瘫痪了，是因为顽强地学习，非但学会了多门外语，甚至学会了 

针灸！ 

* 张海迪姐姐是那么顽强的学习，不但学会了多门外语和针灸，最后还学会了瘫痪 

* 张海迪姐姐学会了多门外语，学会了针灸，又在顽强的学习瘫痪！ 

* 张海迪姐姐通过顽强的学习学会了多门外语和针灸，结果照着一本外文版针灸书把 

自己扎瘫痪了 ！ 

 （小学生造句）

题目：其中

学生：我的其中一只左脚受伤了。

批语：你是蜈蚣吗？

题目：陆陆续续

学生：下班了，爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。

批语：你到底有几个爸爸呀？

题目：欣欣向荣

学生：我的弟弟长得欣欣向荣。

批语：孩子，你弟弟是植物人吗？

题目：难过

学生：我家门前有条水沟很难过。

批语：老师更难过......

题目：又......又......

学生：我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。

批语：你的妈妈......是变形金钢吗？

题目：况且

学生：一列火车经过，况且况且况且况且......

批语：我死了算了.  

    1.__________，为伊消得人憔悴
  同学答：宽衣解带终不悔
 （正解为"衣带渐宽终不悔"，偶承认这个是思想有问题）
    2.问渠哪得清如许，__________
  同学答：心中自有清泉在
 （正解为"唯有源头活水来"，咱还是和水粘了点边~~~）
    3.何当共剪西窗烛，__________
  同学答：夫妻对坐到天明
 （语文老师阅卷时笑晕。后在课堂时说此事，又晕！正解为"却话巴山夜雨时"）
    4.蚍蜉撼大树，__________
  同学答：一动也不动
 （正解为"可笑不自量"。一动也不动，赫赫，很符合事实阿）
    5.君子成人之美，__________
  同学答：小人夺人所爱
 （直接晕死）
    6.穷则独善其身，__________
  同学答：富则妻妾成群
　（正解：达则兼济天下）
    7.__________，天下谁人不识君
  同学答：只要貌似萨达姆
  （汗|||....）
    8.后宫佳丽三千人，__________
  同学答：铁棒也会磨成针~~~~~~
 （正解为"三千宠爱在一身"）
    9.身有彩凤双飞翼，__________
  同学答：拔毛凤凰不如鸡
  还有个同学答：夫妻双双把家还
 （正解为"心有灵犀一点通"）
    10.东边日出西边雨，__________
  同学答：床头打架床尾合
  还有个同学答：上错花轿嫁对郎
    11.__________，糟糠之妻不下堂
  同学答：结发之夫不上床
 （语文老师暴怒！）
    12.但愿人长久，__________
  同学答：一颗永流传
 （当时狂笑，现在觉得挺经典的。正解为"千里共婵娟"）
    13.西塞山前白鹭飞，__________
  同学答：东村河边爬乌龟
 （对的挺工整的）
    14.我劝天公重抖擞，__________
  同学答：天公对我吼三吼
 （正解为"不拘一格降人才"，龚自珍）
    15.天生我才必有用，__________
  同学答：关键时刻显神通
  又有同学答：老鼠儿子会打洞
 （整办公室的语文老师集体毫无形象的狂笑）
    16.天若有情天亦老，__________
  同学答：人不风流枉少年！
 （正解为"月若无恨月长圆" 李贺《金铜仙人辞汉歌》 )
    17.洛阳亲友如相问，__________
  同学答：请你不要告诉他
 （正解为"一片冰心在玉壶"）
    18.期末考试出对联, 上联是英雄宝刀未老
　　该初三同学对下联为：老娘丰韵尤存
    19.良药苦口利于病，__________
  同学答：不吃才是大傻瓜
  人生自古谁无死，__________
  同学答：只是死的有先后
 （结局：家长会后被老师留下来训话鸟……）
    20.床前明月光，__________
  同学答：李白睡的香
    21.管中窥豹，__________
  同学答：吓我一跳
 （哈哈哈！正解为"可见一斑")
    22.__________，飞入寻常百姓家
  同学答：康佳彩霸电视机
    23.葡萄美酒夜光杯，__________
  同学答：金钱美人一大堆
    24.__________，路上行人欲断魂
  初一学生的杰作：半夜三更鬼敲门
    25.还有次考陶渊明的"吾不能为五斗米折腰"，同学填的是"给我六斗就可以"…
    26.老吾老以及人之老，__________
  同学答：妻吾妻以及人之妻
 （老师后来评卷时说那个同学特别具有奉献精神，哈哈）
    27.想当年，金戈铁马，__________
  同学答：看今朝，死缠烂打
 （正解为"气吞万里如虎"）
    28.五年级的一次考试就考到了"三个臭皮匠，__________"
  同学答：臭味都一样
 （把监考和外面的校长笑翻了）
    29.初一的学生对对子，"登城白云间揽山色入怀，__________"
  同学答：我到酒店去抱小姐上床
 （他的语文老师差点当场吐血而亡）
    30.两情若是长久时，__________
  同学答：该是两人成婚时
    31.沉舟侧畔千帆过，__________
  同学答：孔雀开屏花样多
    32.书到用时方恨少，__________
  同学答：钱到月底不够花
    33.天若有情天亦老，__________
  同学答：人若有情死得早
 （正解为"月若无恨月长圆"）
    34.人生自古谁无死，__________
  同学答：有谁大便不带纸
 （没有语言了...）
    35.有次考李清照的如梦令，"知否？知否？___________"
  同学答：SORRY I，DON'T KNOW...
 （正解为"应是绿肥红瘦"）
    36.有次考鲁迅先生某句："___________，我以我血溅轩辕"
  同学答：他以他刀插我身
    37.语文考试，填空里有一首革命诗："为人进出的门紧锁着，________________，一个声音高喊着：_________________我渴望自由，但人的身躯怎能从狗洞子里爬出…"
  同学答：为狗爬出的洞也锁着 / 他妈的，都锁着！
    38.千山万水总是情，___________
  同学答：多给一份行不行
 （批卷老师对了一句：情是情，分是分，多给一份都不行）

  39.高一的时候，一次月考，上句"仰天大笑出门去，（正解）我辈岂是蓬蒿人"。班上有人写：一不小心扭到腰。 还有一句，上句："清水出芙蓉，（正解）天然去雕饰"。有人写，淤泥出莲藕；还有人更绝，写：乱世出英雄
    40. 问君能有几多愁，___________
  同学答：恰似一壶二锅头
 （老师批"你又喝多了……"）

Ethos Technologies is a China-based IT outsourcing company founded in 2005. Its co-founders hail from Norway, China, and the States, with credentials from universities such as Stanford and INSEAD. In 2007, our headcount tripled from 30 to 100, and this year we expect to do so again.

We provide software services to companies ranging in size from small businesses to large enterprises. Most of our customers are in Europe, where we have two subsidiaries, but we also service clientele in Asia and the US.

Ethos is seeking mid-level project managers to help manage teams, liaise with customers, support upper management, and grow resources. Secondary responsibilities may include business development, sales support, and marketing, but the primary responsibility is still delivery.

Candidates should have some technical background/experience. We work primarily in .NET and PHP and are huge fans of Agile development.

Chinese language is not required (nor even preferred) but relocation to Beijing is. Our working language is English, but we're happy if you speak other European languages in addition. Our office culture is a blend of Western and Chinese.
---
Responsibilities:
• manage multiple small teams of size 3-5
• liaise with customers
• be part of a team to grow Ethos into a mid-sized enterprise

Qualifications:
• 3+ years experience with project management
• BA/BS degree
• excellent communication skills
• ability to quickly absorb customers’ business ideas
• critical thinking: the ability to spot logistical problems in software applications before they are built out (e.g. where it doesn’t meet the customer’s business goals)
• good team building skills
Add'l Nice-to-Have's: A basic understanding of site usability and/or information architecture. Experience with web development teams, even better if they’re offshore.

About Us
Ethos Technologies (http://www.ethos.com.cn/) provides development capabilities to small medium businesses primarily in Europe, but also in US and Asia. Ethos’ development process specializes Agile Development, but within a global distributed context.
• HQ'd in Beijing with subsidiaries in Oslo and Stockholm
• Not externally funded. Profitable & cash-flow positive
• 170 employees from all over the world
• Specializing PHP (Drupal/Zend) and .NET. Ethos is a Microsoft Certified partner

Ethos Technologies is a China-based IT outsourcing company founded in 2005. Its co-founders hail from Norway, China, and the States, with credentials from universities such as Stanford and INSEAD. In 2007, our headcount tripled from 30 to 100, and this year we expect to do so again.

We provide software services to companies ranging in size from small businesses to large enterprises. Most of our customers are in Europe, where we have two subsidiaries, but we also service clientele in Asia and the US.

Ethos is seeking mid-level project managers to help manage teams, liaise with customers, support upper management, and grow resources. Secondary responsibilities may include business development, sales support, and marketing, but the primary responsibility is still delivery.

Candidates should have some technical background/experience. We work primarily in .NET and PHP and are huge fans of Agile development.

Chinese language is not required (nor even preferred) but relocation to Beijing is. Our working language is English, but we're happy if you speak other European languages in addition. Our office culture is a blend of Western and Chinese.

---
Responsibilities:
• manage multiple small teams of size 3-5
• liaise with customers
• be part of a team to grow Ethos into a mid-sized enterprise

Qualifications:
• 3+ years experience with project management
• BA/BS degree
• excellent communication skills
• ability to quickly absorb customers’ business ideas
• critical thinking: the ability to spot logistical problems in software applications before they are built out (e.g. where it doesn’t meet the customer’s business goals)
• good team building skills
Add'l Nice-to-Have's: A basic understanding of site usability and/or information architecture. Experience with web development teams, even better if they’re offshore.

About Us
Ethos Technologies (http://www.ethos.com.cn/) provides development capabilities to small medium businesses primarily in Europe, but also in US and Asia. Ethos’ development process specializes Agile Development, but within a global distributed context.
• HQ'd in Beijing with subsidiaries in Oslo and Stockholm
• Not externally funded. Profitable & cash-flow positive
• 170 employees from all over the world
• Specializing PHP (Drupal/Zend) and .NET. Ethos is a Microsoft Certified partner

Wen Zanling

Human Resources

Ethos Technologies

Tel: +8610-62968255-1045 | Fax: +8610-51557556

http://www.ethos.com.cn

Ethos（中国北京、瑞典、挪威、新加坡） 高薪诚聘Senior.NET Engineer

工作地点：北京。
ethos 是一个以北欧业务为主的IT 咨询、软件开发的高科技公司。感谢各位网内的大侠对我们的厚爱，这两年ethos通过cnblogs有幸请到了不少优秀的程序员。
在过去的两年里，ethos中国经历了一段激动人心的快速增长，顺利通过CMMI3认证，获得北欧多个最具影响的门户网站的平台重建和大型ERP的项目。然而令人欣慰的是公司并没有因为人数的增多而变得官僚，相反，众多充满挑战的项目，公平、平等、开放、诚信的企业文化，具有竞争力的薪资和完善福利待遇，丰富的公司内部组织和活动让员工们体会到完全不同的体验。可以负责任的说ethos员工的满意度和归属感是行业内最高的。也正是因为这样，员工具有责任心的工作让客户非常满意。
公司网站：http://www.ethos.com.cn
这里是记录的一些活动场景(http://www.ethos.com.cn/index2.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=39)。
北京公司二周年庆祝活动：http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-Ky1A1O3E0

一些特点：
使用最新的技术    - .NET 3.5已经用到了多个项目中
非常注重流程      - 真正的通过了CMMI3级，并已经推广到了超过50%的项目中 - 不会向国内的项目那样敷衍了事
英语工作环境      - 超过接近20%的员工是外籍员工，大量的锻炼英语的机会
人才济济          - 来自中国、美国、挪威、瑞典、澳大利亚、希腊等国家的顶尖人才
独特的项目管理方法 - AGDM: Agile Global Deliver Model。 大家如果听说过Thoughtworks比较容易理解，我们是使用Agile + Global的deliver方式做项目
完整的软件生命周期 - 业务包括咨询、分析、设计、开发、测试、维护 - 是total solution, 不是单纯的编码、测试
不外派到别的公司   - 所有的项目都是在公司中国、瑞典、挪威、新加坡的办公室完成

现在公司有多个基于微软技术平台的职位，希望聘请到优秀的工程师和项目经理：
架构师：良好的英语能力，多年微软技术平台工作经验，具有中大型互联网应用开发经验，懂得多种相关技术，如数据库、网络协议等，具有带动公司提高整体技术水平的愿望和能力。
高级程序员：具有3年以上微软技术平台工作经验，了解数据库、互联网等相关技术。
中级程序员或应届毕业生：计算机或相关专业毕业毕业，具有扎实的计算机软件知识。
这些职位都对英语有一定的要求，并且希望您是具有责任心和团队合作精神。

我们现在在招聘.net架构师和高级工程师，简单的职位说明如下：

.NET 架构师 (同样有Senior .NET Engineer and Engineer 的职位)
Responsibilities 
1. Be qualified to lead a team. To decide the technology trend of the company.
2. Cooperate with project managers (may involve in the process working with ethos Europebranch)and other colleagues to work on projects which includes knowledge transferring,system design.
3. Work on project modules and composedocument. Solving challenging technology problems.Instructing engineers in coding and coaching.
4. Guide lower level engineers in projects.

Skills Requirement 
1. Strong software knowledge base, be able to build up system from the ground. Sense of leadership in technologies.Deep understanding of SOA。Experience in BizTalk is a big preference.
2. At least 5 years experience in software development. At least 2 years experience in software development in .Net technologies (.NET framework, ex. Spring.net, Microsoft Enterprise Applications Block, WebService Factory ). 
3. Familiar with patterns, ex.Model View Presenter and have used Test Driven developement.
4. Fluent in English speaking, listening, reading and writing. Strong sense of responsibility.
5. Experience in commercial software system is a preference. Database knowledge such as Oracle or SQL Server is also helpful. Be familiar with OO technology.
6. Good team work sprit, willing to communicate with colleagues.
7. Experience with BizTalk is quite preferred but not must.

Senior Engineer

Responsibilities
1.Cooperate with project managers (may involve in the process working with ethos Europe branch) and architecture designers to work on software system which includs knowledge transferring, system design.
2.Work on project modules and compose document. Solving challenging technology problems. coding and module testing.
3. Guide lower level engineers in projects.

Skills Requirement
1.At least 2 years experience in software development. At least 1 years experience in software development in .Net technologies especially in ASP.NET.
2.Fluent in English speaking, listening, reading and writing. Strong sense of responsibility.
3.Experience in commercial software system is a preference. Database knowledge such as Oracle or SQL Server is also helpful. Be familiar with OO technology.
4.Good team work sprit, willing to communicate with colleagues.
5.Be interested in learning and swallow technologies.


欢迎大家跟温温联系思密达

MSN:wenzanling@126.com

Email:zanlingwen@ethos.com.cn

Ethos（中国北京、瑞典、挪威、新加坡） 高薪诚聘Senior.NET Engineer

工作地点：北京。ethos 是一个以北欧业务为主的IT 咨询、软件开发的高科技公司。感谢各位网内的大侠对我们的厚爱，这两年ethos通过cnblogs有幸请到了不少优秀的程序员。
在过去的两年里，ethos中国经历了一段激动人心的快速增长，顺利通过CMMI3认证，获得北欧多个最具影响的门户网站的平台重建和大型ERP的项目。然而令人欣慰的是公司并没有因为人数的增多而变得官僚，相反，众多充满挑战的项目，公平、平等、开放、诚信的企业文化，具有竞争力的薪资和完善福利待遇，丰富的公司内部组织和活动让员工们体会到完全不同的体验。可以负责任的说ethos员工的满意度和归属感是行业内最高的。也正是因为这样，员工具有责任心的工作让客户非常满意。
公司网站：http://www.ethos.com.cn
这里是记录的一些活动场景(http://www.ethos.com.cn/index2.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=39)。
北京公司二周年庆祝活动：http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-Ky1A1O3E0

一些特点：
使用最新的技术    - .NET 3.5已经用到了多个项目中
非常注重流程      - 真正的通过了CMMI3级，并已经推广到了超过50%的项目中 - 不会向国内的项目那样敷衍了事
英语工作环境      - 超过接近20%的员工是外籍员工，大量的锻炼英语的机会
人才济济          - 来自中国、美国、挪威、瑞典、澳大利亚、希腊等国家的顶尖人才
独特的项目管理方法 - AGDM: Agile Global Deliver Model。 大家如果听说过Thoughtworks比较容易理解，我们是使用Agile + Global的deliver方式做项目
完整的软件生命周期 - 业务包括咨询、分析、设计、开发、测试、维护 - 是total solution, 不是单纯的编码、测试
不外派到别的公司   - 所有的项目都是在公司中国、瑞典、挪威、新加坡的办公室完成

好了说说职位吧：
现在公司有多个基于微软技术平台的职位，希望聘请到优秀的工程师和项目经理：
架构师：良好的英语能力，多年微软技术平台工作经验，具有中大型互联网应用开发经验，懂得多种相关技术，如数据库、网络协议等，具有带动公司提高整体技术水平的愿望和能力。
高级程序员：具有3年以上微软技术平台工作经验，了解数据库、互联网等相关技术。
中级程序员或应届毕业生：计算机或相关专业毕业毕业，具有扎实的计算机软件知识。
这些职位都对英语有一定的要求，并且希望您是具有责任心和团队合作精神。

我们现在在招聘.net程序员，简单的职位说明如下：

.NET 架构师 (同样有Senior .NET Engineer and Engineer 的职位)
Responsibilities 
1. Be qualified to lead a team. To decide the technology trend of the company.
2. Cooperate with project managers (may involve in the process working with ethos Europebranch)and other colleagues to work on projects which includes knowledge transferring,system design.
3. Work on project modules and composedocument. Solving challenging technology problems.Instructing engineers in coding and coaching.
4. Guide lower level engineers in projects.

Skills Requirement 
1. Strong software knowledge base, be able to build up system from the ground. Sense of leadership in technologies.Deep understanding of SOA。Experience in BizTalk is a big preference.
2. At least 5 years experience in software development. At least 2 years experience in software development in .Net technologies (.NET framework, ex. Spring.net, Microsoft Enterprise Applications Block, WebService Factory ). 
3. Familiar with patterns, ex.Model View Presenter and have used Test Driven developement.
4. Fluent in English speaking, listening, reading and writing. Strong sense of responsibility.
5. Experience in commercial software system is a preference. Database knowledge such as Oracle or SQL Server is also helpful. Be familiar with OO technology.
6. Good team work sprit, willing to communicate with colleagues.
7. Experience with BizTalk is quite preferred but not must.

欢迎大家跟温温联系

MSN:wenzanling@126.com

Email:zanlingwen@ethos.com.cn